If you’ve been to my place in the last couple of months (or maybe more, I’m not good with dates, plus you get used to everything in time) and you thought there was a weird smell in my bathroom, you’ll be glad to find out that my toilet’s disposal pipe was leaking.

Uh, no, actually, I guess you won’t be particularly happy to find that out. And neither am I, for that matter. When the plumber told his apprentice “Oh, no, don’t screw that one too tight” I just assumed he was talking about the pipe that led out of the macerator — the one that blew off two hours after they left, making a fountain out of my pee (because those things are designed to pump waste all the way from your basement to the septic tank, so you better screw the exit collars tight) — but it clearly also applied to the pipe between the toilet and macerator. So, of course, it moves a bit with time, first because the whole device’s purpose in life is to vibrate everytime it’s used, and second because they installed the damn thing as well as they could in limited space, and pipes are pulling on it in all directions.

Anyway, do you know what’s the healthiest thing to do with a screwdriver once you’ve used it to tighten your macerator’s joints? Why, cut yourself with the pointy end, of course.

Garoo, planning to sanitize the Earth one plumber at a time.