I should let go of hopes and dreams. Just give up with the future, do what I want day after day, not make plans, even unrealistic ones. Worst thing is, most people who know me would assume that’s already the case, whereas it’s actually the opposite, and what keeps me in my present situation is the hope for improvement—no, the hope to find perfect happiness (funny how phrasing it this way makes it seem completely stupid) and the fear of failing. If I burnt all of my life in a quick burst, it wouldn’t last as long, but it would certainly be more enjoyable.

All things considered, maybe I should get involved in alcohol, drugs and sex (well, sex, I already practice, but not enough). I will have all the time I need to be wise when I’m feeding a little family of earthworms. (Although… a burial costs too much, I would still be a burden to my parents.)